Summer Blues

This summer of 2014 was a fight to the finish. But I won! With nothing short of a miracle, the Lord saw fit to save me from my troubles. Again...
I'm happy to have made many friends, connections and experienced Izmir in a different way. But it was not easy.

 My summer began with me canceling all of my summer plans and trips. I was so disappointed, not for me only, but for my best friend Kim. This summer, we had planned our biggest trip ever. Only to be confronted with the news of me failing my C1 Advanced Turkish Exam. I was devastated. I cried, I screamed, locked myself in corners, closets and bathrooms. For many mornings, I would wake up asking God WHY ME? Cocky huh? I was so broken. I believe these are the only times God allows us to question, when He knows that we feel finished, undone, and we have
failed. He gave me great mercy, no condemnation, but after a month of sulking in the worst dormitory in the republic of Turkey, I was able to dry my tears and say, "I'm gonna do this!

It was a rough summer. there was nothing easy, comfortable or enjoyable about summer 2014 until i began to lift my head. I was depressed, disappointed and unfortunately left alone. My roommates left, past boyfriend left and I stayed in the new accommodations with girls I did not know.
To sum it up, it was a difficult situation. I cried many days, many nights and sometimes I doubted and was faithless. Many days all I would do is complain to anyone who would listen, I hate everything about everything, and everyone and most importantly, I hated myself. Why did I fail such an important exam after months of preparation and studying. I was livid. Depression and sadness turned to rage and anger.

I couldn't forgive myself and neither could my best friend who was not successful at holding back her disappointment. I felt like every bad news I received in succession was confirmation that I was not suppose to come to Turkey in the first place. Bad news and misfortune one after another lead me to believe that everything was falling apart. If i had only know that God was falling things into place.

This August I experienced so much about Turkish culture, I attended two Kina Gecesi and I made some Turkish friends. I spoke more Turkish and things started to change for me, even while I was still in the storm.

During the month of August, I made friends with a girl from Haiti, called Esther. Through Esther, I met a girl from Mozambique named Mbumila. These two women became my sisters. With the strength, encouragement, laughs and good company from them both, my spirit started to lift.

God is faithful, he wont leave us abandoned. He showed me that I didn't need anyone else but him. He showed me that I could make it on my own. When the lesson was learnt, He gave me what I needed. I learnt so much in Summer school, I feel more confident now in my ability to understand Turkish. I passed my C1 exam and I am ready to complete this degree. This summer I had grown in harsh weather and conditions. In adversity I found strength, in travesty I learnt appreciation and in brokenness I found healing.