Dying empty sounds great, but really, what are you going to do?

I have traveled the world, and I've realized that its not always a vacation. Every place is different and has its share of challenges, but I have made up my mind not to go back home empty handed.

I have been living in Izmir, Turkey for a year now, and I have grown to love Izmir for what it is, and not what I thought I would be. I have made friends, lovers, mistakes and a life. I am truly excited for whatever is to come.

I have such a peace in the storm and I know that the one who called me on the waters won't allow me to sink.

 In very late November when I arrived in Izmir..very late...I was determined to fight until the very end. I was fighting because the Turkish Language program had commenced two (2) months prior, and people were having difficulties with this Altaic Language.

 Its the beginning of November now, almost a year later and although I have now successfully completed five levels of Turkish Preparation, I am still fighting. But it is said if you are weak in adversity, you are weak indeed and I am NOT weak. I have certainly proven that much. "I am defying the urge--and what an urge it is--to quit." As one of my favorite Pastors Bishop T.D Jakes remarked. Many others have already given up, packed their bags, and returned to their country, but I am still here, and I pray that God makes a way for me to continue, if it is His will.

In late September, I commenced my studies at Dokuz Eylul University. All of my courses are in Turkish and it is truly not easy. One of the greatest difficulties has been the language barrier. Its hard that even a year after I have lived and resided in Izmir, the language is still a problem. Mainly because the level of language to complete a master's degree is really profound and technical. Aw, well, I have to keep trying, keep studying and keep pushing. Through the pain and through the tears, I have to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And there is!
I just want to encourage anyone who has gone after a dream that they believe is too big for them. Anything bigger than you is God given. And the one who put the dream inside of you has already given you everything you will ever need to realize that dream in the allotted time. Don't give up, don't quit, defy the urge to quit, don't be discouraged, don't lay down and play dead. Now is the time to make the most of your pain and use it as the fuel to propel you into this great destiny.
How does your pain propel you? Well, I've realized that in comfort, we are complacent.  In comfort we are content. In comfort, we are carefree, until we don't even know whats going on around us. But in pain, suddenly everything is brought into prospective. Our lives, our relationships, our priorities, our decisions. Use your pain.

Usually, we see pain as the enemy, But guys, pain is our friend. Without pain, we wouldn't know that something is wrong. That something is out of place, that something is missing, that something is lacking, that something needs to be done. It is our pain that tells us, this is not the end yet. I'm not there YET. It is our pain that pushes us the extra extra mile. It is pain that allows us to give and little more and after we have gone as far as we could to give just that little more, and that little more.

Dear friend, don't run away from your challenges. A friend said to me once, "If you run now, further up the road, you will run again." Instead, face your challenges, and stop being a quitter. All alpha and no omega. If you use your pain and if you stay focused on your God-given dream, I promise you that God is faithful. He will make a way for you in the desert. He did that LITERALLY for me. He made a way for me to get an education in the Middle East/Asia Minor. For years, God had shown me that scripture, behold I do a new thing, and mostly I assumed He meant, ok, its January, time to reflect and revised over what you did last year and what you want to do for the upcoming year. But I failed to keep reading as the scripture says in Isaiah 43:19, "I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert!" Well My God you are awesome. I am praising God for my Middle East Experience, because the enemy is trying to make me think that God made a mistake, but this is what He was telling me all along. And I choose to believe God. Because I trust Him. Trust God for whatever it is that you need. Trust God for this new and scary journey that you want to take, for this new step that you want to make. Don't die with any of the talents that was suppose to be given for all of us (and the world) to enjoy! "Die empty!" As the late and great Dr. Myles Munroe always coined! Trust God that He is able to do exceeding, abundantly, above all that we can ask or think according to the power that works in YOU! (Ephesians 4:20)

Yes dear, it all about YOU....so what are you going to do?

Die Empty.

Summer Blues

This summer of 2014 was a fight to the finish. But I won! With nothing short of a miracle, the Lord saw fit to save me from my troubles. Again...
I'm happy to have made many friends, connections and experienced Izmir in a different way. But it was not easy.

 My summer began with me canceling all of my summer plans and trips. I was so disappointed, not for me only, but for my best friend Kim. This summer, we had planned our biggest trip ever. Only to be confronted with the news of me failing my C1 Advanced Turkish Exam. I was devastated. I cried, I screamed, locked myself in corners, closets and bathrooms. For many mornings, I would wake up asking God WHY ME? Cocky huh? I was so broken. I believe these are the only times God allows us to question, when He knows that we feel finished, undone, and we have
failed. He gave me great mercy, no condemnation, but after a month of sulking in the worst dormitory in the republic of Turkey, I was able to dry my tears and say, "I'm gonna do this!

It was a rough summer. there was nothing easy, comfortable or enjoyable about summer 2014 until i began to lift my head. I was depressed, disappointed and unfortunately left alone. My roommates left, past boyfriend left and I stayed in the new accommodations with girls I did not know.
To sum it up, it was a difficult situation. I cried many days, many nights and sometimes I doubted and was faithless. Many days all I would do is complain to anyone who would listen, I hate everything about everything, and everyone and most importantly, I hated myself. Why did I fail such an important exam after months of preparation and studying. I was livid. Depression and sadness turned to rage and anger.

I couldn't forgive myself and neither could my best friend who was not successful at holding back her disappointment. I felt like every bad news I received in succession was confirmation that I was not suppose to come to Turkey in the first place. Bad news and misfortune one after another lead me to believe that everything was falling apart. If i had only know that God was falling things into place.

This August I experienced so much about Turkish culture, I attended two Kina Gecesi and I made some Turkish friends. I spoke more Turkish and things started to change for me, even while I was still in the storm.

During the month of August, I made friends with a girl from Haiti, called Esther. Through Esther, I met a girl from Mozambique named Mbumila. These two women became my sisters. With the strength, encouragement, laughs and good company from them both, my spirit started to lift.

God is faithful, he wont leave us abandoned. He showed me that I didn't need anyone else but him. He showed me that I could make it on my own. When the lesson was learnt, He gave me what I needed. I learnt so much in Summer school, I feel more confident now in my ability to understand Turkish. I passed my C1 exam and I am ready to complete this degree. This summer I had grown in harsh weather and conditions. In adversity I found strength, in travesty I learnt appreciation and in brokenness I found healing.