Friday, 14 November 2014

Dying empty sounds great, but really, what are you going to do?

I have traveled the world, and I've realized that its not always a vacation. Every place is different and has its share of challenges, but I have made up my mind not to go back home empty handed.

I have been living in Izmir, Turkey for a year now, and I have grown to love Izmir for what it is, and not what I thought I would be. I have made friends, lovers, mistakes and a life. I am truly excited for whatever is to come.

I have such a peace in the storm and I know that the one who called me on the waters won't allow me to sink.

 In very late November when I arrived in Izmir..very late...I was determined to fight until the very end. I was fighting because the Turkish Language program had commenced two (2) months prior, and people were having difficulties with this Altaic Language.

 Its the beginning of November now, almost a year later and although I have now successfully completed five levels of Turkish Preparation, I am still fighting. But it is said if you are weak in adversity, you are weak indeed and I am NOT weak. I have certainly proven that much. "I am defying the urge--and what an urge it is--to quit." As one of my favorite Pastors Bishop T.D Jakes remarked. Many others have already given up, packed their bags, and returned to their country, but I am still here, and I pray that God makes a way for me to continue, if it is His will.
In late September, I commenced my studies at Dokuz Eylul University. All of my courses are in Turkish and it is truly not easy. One of the greatest difficulties has been the language barrier. Its hard that even a year after I have lived and resided in Izmir, the language is still a problem. Mainly because the level of language to complete a master's degree is really profound and technical. Aw, well, I have to keep trying, keep studying and keep pushing. Through the pain and through the tears, I have to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And there is!
I just want to encourage anyone who has gone after a dream that they believe is too big for them. Anything bigger than you is God given. And the one who put the dream inside of you has already given you everything you will ever need to realize that dream in the allotted time. Don't give up, don't quit, defy the urge to quit, don't be discouraged, don't lay down and play dead. Now is the time to make the most of your pain and use it as the fuel to propel you into this great destiny.
How does your pain propel you? Well, I've realized that in comfort, we are complacent.  In comfort we are content. In comfort, we are carefree, until we don't even know whats going on around us. But in pain, suddenly everything is brought into prospective. Our lives, our relationships, our priorities, our decisions. Use your pain.



Usually, we see pain as the enemy, But guys, pain is our friend. Without pain, we wouldn't know that something is wrong. That something is out of place, that something is missing, that something is lacking, that something needs to be done. It is our pain that tells us, this is not the end yet. I'm not there YET. It is our pain that pushes us the extra extra mile. It is pain that allows us to give and little more and after we have gone as far as we could to give just that little more, and that little more.


Dear friend, don't run away from your challenges. A friend said to me once, "If you run now, further up the road, you will run again." Instead, face your challenges, and stop being a quitter. All alpha and no omega. If you use your pain and if you stay focused on your God-given dream, I promise you that God is faithful. He will make a way for you in the desert. He did that LITERALLY for me. He made a way for me to get an education in the Middle East/Asia Minor. For years, God had shown me that scripture, behold I do a new thing, and mostly I assumed He meant, ok, its January, time to reflect and revised over what you did last year and what you want to do for the upcoming year. But I failed to keep reading as the scripture says in Isaiah 43:19, "I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert!" Well My God you are awesome. I am praising God for my Middle East Experience, because the enemy is trying to make me think that God made a mistake, but this is what He was telling me all along. And I choose to believe God. Because I trust Him. Trust God for whatever it is that you need. Trust God for this new and scary journey that you want to take, for this new step that you want to make. Don't die with any of the talents that was suppose to be given for all of us (and the world) to enjoy! "Die empty!" As the late and great Dr. Myles Munroe always coined! Trust God that He is able to do exceeding, abundantly, above all that we can ask or think according to the power that works in YOU! (Ephesians 4:20)

Yes dear, it all about YOU....so what are you going to do?

Die Empty.


Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Summer Blues

This summer of 2014 was a fight to the finish. But I won! With nothing short of a miracle, the Lord saw fit to save me from my troubles. Again...
I'm happy to have made many friends, connections and experienced Izmir in a different way. But it was not easy.

 My summer began with me canceling all of my summer plans and trips. I was so disappointed, not for me only, but for my best friend Kim. This summer, we had planned our biggest trip ever. Only to be confronted with the news of me failing my C1 Advanced Turkish Exam. I was devastated. I cried, I screamed, locked myself in corners, closets and bathrooms. For many mornings, I would wake up asking God WHY ME? Cocky huh? I was so broken. I believe these are the only times God allows us to question, when He knows that we feel finished, undone, and we have
failed. He gave me great mercy, no condemnation, but after a month of sulking in the worst dormitory in the republic of Turkey, I was able to dry my tears and say, "I'm gonna do this!

It was a rough summer. there was nothing easy, comfortable or enjoyable about summer 2014 until i began to lift my head. I was depressed, disappointed and unfortunately left alone. My roommates left, past boyfriend left and I stayed in the new accommodations with girls I did not know.
To sum it up, it was a difficult situation. I cried many days, many nights and sometimes I doubted and was faithless. Many days all I would do is complain to anyone who would listen, I hate everything about everything, and everyone and most importantly, I hated myself. Why did I fail such an important exam after months of preparation and studying. I was livid. Depression and sadness turned to rage and anger.

I couldn't forgive myself and neither could my best friend who was not successful at holding back her disappointment. I felt like every bad news I received in succession was confirmation that I was not suppose to come to Turkey in the first place. Bad news and misfortune one after another lead me to believe that everything was falling apart. If i had only know that God was falling things into place.

This August I experienced so much about Turkish culture, I attended two Kina Gecesi and I made some Turkish friends. I spoke more Turkish and things started to change for me, even while I was still in the storm.

During the month of August, I made friends with a girl from Haiti, called Esther. Through Esther, I met a girl from Mozambique named Mbumila. These two women became my sisters. With the strength, encouragement, laughs and good company from them both, my spirit started to lift.

God is faithful, he wont leave us abandoned. He showed me that I didn't need anyone else but him. He showed me that I could make it on my own. When the lesson was learnt, He gave me what I needed. I learnt so much in Summer school, I feel more confident now in my ability to understand Turkish. I passed my C1 exam and I am ready to complete this degree. This summer I had grown in harsh weather and conditions. In adversity I found strength, in travesty I learnt appreciation and in brokenness I found healing.

Sunday, 29 December 2013

Levitating: My College Experience


I’m very diligent when it comes to my school work. I have never been more passionate about any other project in my life thus far, as I have been about completing my Associate and Bachelor of Arts Degrees. I believe my keen persistence has a lot to do with the fact that I had to pay for my college expenses from the storage of my own blood, sweat and tears. It was not easy to say the least, but as an old familiar saying goes, nothing worth having is.



In 2004 when I graduated high school, I had no idea what I was in for. Part of the reason was due to my indecisiveness as to which area I would study and gain expertise. I started out as a Biology with Chemistry major. This faculty has the highest drop out rate among Bahamian college students than any other field. I became a statistic one year later, when I realized that my love for Biology was not enough to get me though my Chemistry and Physics courses. Still, I had no plan idea what I would do when I completed this degree, had I taken this road. One day in Animal Bio, I over heard two girls taking about how most of the BioChem majors didn’t have what it took to make it to Medical School. I was not disappointed in her observation, but rather in the implication that after obtaining this boring and very complex degree, I would then have to garner courage to reapply and enter school again for 5-7 more years of further study. I was not afraid of the challenge, but my heart was not in it. I believe this is when I decided that I needed a change in my studies.


I loved Spanish. Hell, the study of Language in general. I’ve always found Linguistics and Foreign languages interesting. If you’ve ever heard me talk about it, I’m sure you’ve seen the light in my eyes. This was due in part to the fact that I loved travelling, studying culture, history and meeting people. It opened a whole new world to me, possibilities, excitement and life! I decided to change my major to AA Spanish, even though everyone else was convinced there was nothing I could do with it. Would I teach it in primary or high school? NO?! Oh, waste of time, they deduced. I found that in studying Spanish and French, it has helped me with my mother tongue. I’ve realized that in studying foreign languages, I know so much more about the world that I live in. I loved every moment of it. Despite popular belief, it was very difficult at times.



There were times I would have no idea how to couple past participles with auxiliary verbs, when to use slangs from which country, where accent marks fell, where I should stress the vowels for multisyllabic words, and most importantly how would I gain fluency?  I was fortunate to have my parents finance my trip to SalamancaSpain, where I worked, played and studied at the University of Salamanca for a month; visiting Spain’s capital, MadridBarcelonaSegovia and the outskirts of Portugal. This spiked my love for languages through the roof. I would never forget the train rides, mounting climbing, sky diving, bull racing, walking to school every morning in the frosty air, but running back in time for siesta in the burning hot sun, inexpensive fruit stalls along the busy streets where me and Ebony would buy cerizas (cherries in Spanish), fountains, aire libre cafes, El Plaza Mayor, huge parks, and the 10pm setting sun. It was amazing to say the least.


I had my fun, but the road was not easy. I had obtained a partial scholarship from ScotiaBank (Bahamas) Ltd. However, after a year, I lost it due to my loss of interest in the sciences. From then on, I would have to pay for every class I did on my own. My parents were not financially prepared to assist my educational endeavors, so I began to look for work. Wendy’s was my home for about 9 months, followed by a DNA clinic and finally RBC where I would remain for 3 years. RBC played a big part in helping me discover what I would study, and to them I owe that gratitude. I knew I would have to couple foreign languages with a trade to be marketable, and RBC opened me up to the world of Banking. I would later on pursue Finance.



I took some time off from school from 2006 to 2008, as working in a bank and taking classes at COB was a serious challenge. I lost two years, but if I didn’t work, how would I pay the bills? It was a price to pay as I looked at the bigger picture. In 2008, I took a daring leap of faith when I resigned my post at RBC and headed to Guanajuato, Mexico for three (3) months. Mexico is a beauty all its own. The hot, dry climate reminded me of home. I was nostalgic to say the least, but very happy to be somewhere different. I took everything in, the language, the culture, the beauty, art, mannerisms, and off course the cuisine! Nobody parties like a Mexican, and although they really cannot dance, they have spice! I would walk for miles, and when I couldn’t walk anymore, I would take the bus. The streets were always full of life, and there as always something happening. A concert, symphony, fiesta, show, Art exhibition, trip. I befriend a kind lady named Enaid, an ExPat from Detriot, who was instrumental in my travels to Mexico City, San Miguel, Guadalajara and Michoacan. My house mates Zion, Mindy and Ana were my everything!


Months later, I was happy to return home and prepared to move to Louisville, Kentucky. With little notice to my friends, current boyfriend and loved ones, I took a flight to Kentucky where I would reside for 4 months, studying International Relations. It was a dream come true, as my ultimate goal still is to work as a Bahamian Diplomat. Off course it was a wonderful semester as I studied European History, Latin American and Caribbean History, Spanish, and French. Although COB only took the Spanish credits, I enjoyed the wealth of knowledge, making new friends from around the world and just doing something extraordinary. It was amazing the amount of love among Bahamians when abroad. I was one of five (5) Bahamian students on campus at a predominantly white catholic university. We always looked out for each other. My roommate was an American-Koren. Nice girl, but a little spoiled. The polar opposite of myself. Sometimes I would envy the amount of support she had from her parents and grandparents. But it didn’t affect my mood or performance in school. I had to return home due to financial constraints but, I don’t regret it. I am currently still paying the loan for that semester.


In 2009, after I was brought down to earth with the startling reality that I wouldn’t be going back to college abroad, I decided it was time to find a college that would allow me to work and study simultaneously. I found that in Sojourner-Douglass College. I don’t know what the edge was it had over Omega, BBC and Nova, but there was something about it that made me desire to attend, although the price tag was more substantial.  SDC was my home for 4 years and I’m happy that I will be graduating in 4 weeks; my final walk as an undergraduate. It was a long, hard road.  Some nights I would be so exhausted from attending classes, studying and competing assignments. Working with groups where some members wouldn’t contribute, pretending to be cool with uncooperative lecturers and dealing with the computers or printers not working the night your final research paper is due. I must say that through it all I’ve been blessed with awesome lectures, including but not limited to Margaret Don, Javier Diaz, Alvarro Bonilla Chinchilla, Jacinth Taylor, Natasha Turnquest, Christopher Lunn, Errol McPhee, Deidre Pinder, and Laverne Nixon. These people went beyond what a lecturer should do to give me what I needed to succeed. I will forever be indebted to them.


Through the hard times, there were many good times, parties in school, friendships, bonds made, and fond memories.


I’m proud to say that during my tenure at SDC, I have NEVER gotten a C as a final grade, and I have NEVER cheated. This was a personal goal of mine that I had established from the very beginning and one that I was fortunate to maintain. My last semester was a blessing as my employer took care of all of my tuition expenses and graduation fees. Over $6,000.00 from an institution that I was only working for with eight (8) months. Ain’t God good? The burden of the final semesters were not enough to bring me down. I performed the best I have ever performed in my collegic studies, two 4.0 semesters with 400 level courses. Had my responsibilities shrunken? No. I was the General Secretary for the Bahamas National Youth Council, preparing for our annual dance show at Jubilee Dance Studio, in a new relationship and leading Dance Ministry at Bahamas Harvest Church. Sometimes I won, and sometimes I lost, but through it all I prioritized my studies so that I could succeed. Today, I’m happy because I know that the journey is not over, but just beginning. After college, I find graduates sit down and wait for opportunities to knock at their doors, which I assure you will not happen. I’m challenging myself to be a seeker. To explore, and to go beyond what I am now. College was my training camp. Education is a tool. My degree is my sword. It prepares me for battle, and assures my victory.


The 4 years of endurance has taught me that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And more importantly, that there is an end of the tunnel! Four years of endurance has taught me that the suffering of the present time is not worthy to the prize given at the end of the struggle. Four years of endurance has taught me that despite harsh criticism and opposition that any dream can be realized if sought after with passion and planning.  Four years of endurance has taught me that there is no such thing as dreaming TOO big, all things are possible, obtainable, and reachable, if you believe. And not only believe, but act.


Here’s to me.  Suma cum lade Honor College Graduate.

Act, Pray, Persist

A few days ago the Bahamas was yet again devastated by a shoot out that took place in Fox Hill Village. Bullets flew everywhere and people were wounded from the chaos. Consequently eight people were shot, and four died, one on the scene. These bloody images were posted on Facebook and other social media, and circulated throughout the country and the Good Lord knows where else. For one day social media erupted with outrage, thoughts, prayers and condolences for the deceased, and their loved ones. However, it is obvious that in a few days this outrage would be forgotten, and people would return to their normal routine ,murmuring about the high level of violent crimes, and our other social ills, under their breathe.

Really our problem is not a political one. Wake up Bahamians. Do you believe everything that the government tells you? Do you believe in every dream that they sell? We are smarter than that. They cannot fix the problems that are our very own. Only we can do that.  They cannot come into every home in Nassau and the Family Islands and change the light bulbs where there is darkness, take out the smelly filthy trash, and weep the house clean. No WE, must do it.
WE MUST ACT.
We have have to clean house. Man in the mirror? It starts with you.
WE MUST PRAY
It starts with us taking our country before the Throne of a merciful God who alone is able to change the hearts of evil men.
WE MUST PERSIST
Bahamians, we love the novelty of new trends, but we never see anything through. Lets act on our desire to see a better Bahamas, and continue to act until that change really comes!
It starts with us praying everyday for our country.
It starts with us not hiding and supporting criminals.
It starts with us giving police the information we have.
It starts with us choosing life over death.
It starts with us teaching our children Godly morals, manners, and the importance of hard work.
It starts with us being happy with what we have and not being envious of others.
It starts with us having self worth and national pride.
It starts with us being honest and not sweeping things under the rug for a few extra dollars.
It starts with us in authority to not turn a blind eye to illegal drugs and firearms that are imported into our islands daily.
It starts with us becoming a community again, a family, a movement for peace, and creating the answers within ourselves. All 350,000 of us. It starts with us all becoming neighbours again.

Don't tell me it isn't possible, when in the world right now there are countries where violent crime is almost non existent. We don't create weapons in the Bahamas, how are they infiltrating our streets? Instead of a gun industry, lets create industries that will create jobs.
If we can not find jobs, let's be our own boss.
Let's start our own small business.
Let's become self sufficient and farm.
Let's raise our own animals, and plant our own trees.
Let us be the visionaries.
Let's not be lazy and cry for the government to do it for us. They have already proven they can not. Let's think for ourselves. Let's invoke the change. Let's be the difference. Let's support Bahamian business and entrepreneurs big, small and micro. Let's farm and invest in our agricultural resources. Let's develop our marine life and our fishing industries.

We have the power to turn our country around, and it begins with us always asking, "Why?" It begins with us always making our leaders accountable to us. But it also begins with us taking responsibility ourselves, and creating answers.

Why don't we just do this?

The Lord placed on my heart to start a call to prayer. He has the answer to every question we have asked. In Izmir, Turkey for university, everyday, five times a day, I would hear a call to prayer. You can hear it in the bus stations, on the streets, at school, at work or on the metro.

Until New Years Day, lets change our profile pictures to ones depicting a posture of prayer.



Let it remind us of our need for healing and change. Let it remind us of what happened in Fox Hill Village, and not only Fox Hill, everywhere blood was shed senselessly.



Let us begin a call for prayer in The Bahamas. In our homes, on our jobs, and wherever we go, whenever we see a picture of prayer let us pray for the answers we need. Let us pray for our nation and the violence to be silenced. Let us pray for a turn around and a respect for life. After this, all we need is faith to believe that it can happen.

Act, Pray, Persist

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

!HOLA! JDS Dance Show 2013

A year ago, my life took a pleasant turn with the debut of our dance schools show “GLITZ!” Broadway came to Nassau in grand style as the dancers, dramatist and performers of Jubilee Dance Studio participated it its debut show! It was a success to say the least; earning television spots on ZNS and JCN without solicitation from these national broadcasting stations. We had no idea that the following year would be even more exciting!

I was happy to hold a spot in every youth number, Simirk, which is Turkish Belly Dancing, The Chinese Traditional Umbrella Dance, Boom Boom Pow, our futuristic dance where we were outlined in glow sticks, with the theatre in complete darkness, Gangnum Style, one of the most popular dances and songs of 2012-3 from Korean artist Psy, Magdalena, Brazilian Sumba dancing, Waka Waka a song by Shakira giving tribute to Africa and Colour the World, our German song for world peace and also our finale.

Red bull pumped through my veins and I was hyped and ready to attack every single dance when I hit the stage. You know you’re a performer when the stage just brings your entire being to life like nothing else. You could be dying in the back room, but when you step out in the path of those bright lights, filled seats, and that wide stage, electricity flows through your body like you were stuck by lightinging. You think about nothing else but being the star, the one that stands out, the one who KILLED it!! Nine months of practice was boiled down to 2 hours of pure energy, art and expression. From the Tiny Tots barking enthusiastically for “Who let the dogs out”, Kids A giving loud “YA! s” (Karate chaps) for “Kung Fu Fighting”, Kids B "Walking like Eygyptians", the Juniors with Junkanoo and “ Redemption Song “, everything was a joy to watch. How can we forget Miss Andrea's dramatists and their Annual International Spelling Bee. I must remind you that the correct spelling of foil is F-U-R-L!
Y-I-N-N-A better get with it!

The theatre was filled to maximum capacity, tickets were sold for standing room, and everyone had a great time testing out their ability to learn the Caribbean Slide with Julien Believe. From Junkanoo beats bringing down the stage, to Monesha Bowleg reminding us to "Do the Conga", but "Dont worry and be happy", and the Attracting Princess Flames setting our hearts on fire, you would think the show was over!

The ZUMBA CREW had one last treat in store for the salivating audience. Pure energy ran on the stage with a dramatic entrance before the music blared, “THE STAGE IS IN FRONT OF US, TIME TO GET ADVANTEGOUS” and with our Zumba Queen Kim in front, we did just that! Tired where? Bodies were rocking everywhere as over 30 zumbettes killed the Soca, Salsa and Caribbean rhythms. If we didn’t show them that “Nobody better den we”, Miss Joy was the icing on the Trini cake. She came out and showed us how to get on “Like a Trinidian”. Everyone was excited to see Mrs. Joy get on the stage. If you have entered the doors of Jubilee you would know that she is the first person to greet you. Performance night she was the last to bid everyone Adieu, bowing graciously after her stellar performance.

Another show, another dream come true and another moment in time to prove that Jubilee Dance Studio is in a realm all its own. The talent, excitement, creativity and energy is ridiculous!! That just leaves me to wonder, have you enrolled yet?


www.jubileedancestudio.com
https://www.facebook.com/lashawn.gray?ref=tn_tnmn#!/media/set/?set=a.666145290068745.1073741831.197952050221407&type=1

Monday, 31 December 2012